Youth On The Rock : View topic

hopeless*dreamer

I'm really torn up about this......

Lately, after a bad breakup that left me hurt and in pain for a long time, I've been considering not even dating until I'm at an age when I actually am ready for marriage. Well I mentioned it to my youth leader, but I never really made the decision to do that. (I don't know if any of you are familiar with the book "I kissed dating Goodbye", but that was the decision I considered making)

SO tonight, at a youth event at church, my youth leader revealed to me that God revealed to him exactly how I was feeling: that I was scared to make the deicsion, afraid of what it might entail, I need somebody, an adult, to make the decision for me. Well, I guess God revealed who that mentor was, and it wasn't my youth leader, and I was kind of disappointed. I don't know what to think now, there are so many unanswered questions....like why he can't be my mentor, why does God even want me to do this in the first place, does God even want me to do it?

ALl of a sudden the decision seems so final, like I HAVE to do this, as if I have no choice. I keep thinking of everything I'll miss, that I never thought of before, obviously because I hadn't made that decision yet. If you knew me, you'd know that I'm a dreamy romantic girl, who loves me hugged, having deep talks with close friends, and so many romantic things................that i've never done, mind you, like watching the first snow of the season fall with someone special....things like that. Now, if I don't date anybody, then that means I won't have a date for prom, and I've always dreamed about having a love with the guy of my dreams....a relationship that doesn't involve sex or anything moderately close to that. But not having a close relationship with a guy for AT LEAST 6 years......well it seems kind of lonely....and I know that sounds selfish especially because..................well, I know some people think that teenagers can't fall in love an all, but I don't believe there is a certain age; probably because I feel like I already did fall in love and now that is just a broken relationship with me left hurting. I truly believe I was in love, maybe still am, but I know that dating will only add to the pain and the mess so.......it's a good deicision, just not sure if I'm preapred to make it. Please prayer for, and if possible offer any advice or experiences etc. I'd realy appreciate it. Thanks!

*aLLiSoN*

There are many reasons why I think not dating is a

Baruk Hashem Adonai

hey look, a decision not to date is not final. I made that choice years ago. Over the years I have slowly changed my mind. I think I would date now, but I haven't.
Waiting for marriage doesn't mean that you don't dream. Don't let the dreaming become an obsession of course, but God made us to dream. I'm an idealist, a dreamer, I can be pretty sappy sometimes. It's ok.
6 years sounds like forever. Well first of all, I don't think it needs to 6 years. You don't begin 'going out' or whatever until you are old enough that you will be of marrying age by the time your relationship is ready for that (you don't get married in a week) besides, if you are a mature christian, with God's blessing on the relationship, marrying by 20 or earlier is no big deal, especially for a girl.

Let us fix our eye's on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the right hand of God. Let us consider him who endured such oppisition, so that we may not grow weary and lose heart

fix your eyes on something higher than marriage. Serving God is the greatest thing in the world, and it more than makes up for broken hearts, lost love, or no love at all.

Some people have said that you shouldn't date. Others may post here and say you should. Don't worry about it, talk to God and ask him what he thinks. Don't forget to honor your parents, and obey them (insaumch as it doesn't contradict God) as long as you live with them.

God Bless you dreamer,
Luke

tricky

When I was 18 I had my first relationship. It was serious, way too serious for a first relationship. It ended badly after three years, and broke me worse than anything else in my life. I loved that boy. I REALLY loved him, but the truth was, the him that I loved, wasn't really him, you know. Of course you were in love, the person you loved just might have changed, or perhaps you didn't know him as well as you thought. That's not your fault. That's just life and learning.

I dated like crazy for a year after that, mostly to boost my self-confidence. Bad reason, I know. I'm sure I broke a few hearts. I was always honest with them, told them I wouldn't be serious, but you know how it is. They didn't listen, just like I didn't listen when my boyfriend told me he wanted to see other people. I became disillusioned with dating, and went back to college. There, I decided I didn't need anyone... EVER. I would be happy on my own, discover who I was without needing anyone other than God. Good idea! I started writing a book. About halfway through what I now consider my first life work, I got a surprise visit from my husband! Now, I look back, and wonder why I was so sad to lose my boyfriend. I got a jewel in his place! I would hate to think what would have happened if, in my sincere, but blind love, I had married the wrong man.

God give you the relationship you long for when you are strong enough to handle it. It's harder than you think, and more wonderful than you have imagined. It's everyday life. It's arguing and love making and dinner and dishes. You'll love it. Just concentrate on strengthening yourself for now, so you're ready when your husband is. After all, man-training is not at all easy! Kidding! Please don't hit!

Seriously, God will show you what to do. Just ride the tide. He has a plan, man! Keep it real. Anything more cliche, and I should be thrown out!

Good luck, from one hopeless dreamer to another.

abidinglove

Making the choice not to date is one only you can make. Getting advice from your youth pastor and mentor (whoever that may be) is a good idea, but don't feel like you have to do what they say.
Instead of making such a drastic decision and commitment, why don't you just wait until you've found someone that you really feel strongly about, and want to have fun with and enjoy being around... someone who gives you those little butterflies in your tummy.
Wait until your completley over your last boyfriend, and then make the decision. Right now your obviously extremely hurt. You've got to ask yourself if the good times and the way he made you feel were worth the sadness you feel now.
Ultimatley, just be more garded with your feelings. I think you should date when you feel with your whole heart that there is someone that you should be with... don't make a set date, or comittment.

GodlyKid

Josiah

It's my old-fashioned and somehow very controversal view that it's not an "either/or" situation.

To ME, the person with the attitude that says, "I'll just sit on my butt at the computer 24/7, never talk (much less spend time with) a member of the other gender (because I probably don't know how), and SOMEDAY God will just drop someone through the ceiling and into my lap, with a note attached 'THIS is the ONE' signed 'God'." To ME (and I'm just speaking for me), this attitude (so common among Christians today) is both unhealthy and unrealistic.

It IS everyone's right to take that view, I just disagree with it.

Peanut

Teslus_Scimitari · the guru of sexy

I don't expect to date at least until I'm in college, if at all. That's not to say it won't happen before or after college, but I think the primary mistake people make in dating is that they don't take it slow enough. They're at kissing after the first week, making out after a month, and having sex after two months. That's not the way to have a relationship. My total timeline for even kissing someone is closer to three years after meeting them. I think it's key to be friends first, and to work slowly. You can't just rush into things. Hmm, I'm rambling..

GodlyKid

Bohemian

Enjoy life. Life is there to be enjoyed. You need to face the heartbreaks to go through the good times.

Chris

0regon

GEMZ · Moderator